(Originally posted: 12/1/17)
Ok, here's how it works: Imagine a lady recipient on your gift list (I'm not sure men deserve presents this year).
Think about what she does alone, perhaps at night, to stop her mind from traveling to the darkest places.
Then scroll down to find a perfectly curated list of things to buy her!
Burying her epidermis in a mille-feuille of sheet masks and exfoliating her moisture barrier into oblivion in the hopes that smooth skin will soften the rage that burns within her?
The best serum, available in three different sizes depending on your commitment level
Curate a custom gift basket of the best masks in the game, including: the SK-II treatment mask, Charlotte Tilbury dry sheet mask, Peach & Lily sheet mask set, Hanacure mask, Sisley Flower Express Gel mask, Naruko Raw Job’s Tears (no idea what this means) Brightening Mask, My Beauty Diary Alps Edelweiss Ultra Repairing Mask, Laneige Water Sleeping Mask, Tata Harper Clarifying Mask, May Lindstrom Honey Mud, Drunk Elephant Baby Facial, The Leaders Snail Therapy Sheet Mask, Biologique Recherche Masque Vivant...you know, just to name a few…
A box of some of the dreamiest Tatcha goodies
A DIY FACE MASK MACHINE
(h/t Lauren Dunitz. I want this more than anything but honestly I don't trust myself to use it responsibly. I'd never see my bare face again!)
A personalized Stoney Clover Lane toiletry bag
The Staunchly Self-Care tee ;)
A first class ticket to Dusseldorf and a gift certificate for a “liquid lift” with Dr. Barbara Sturm, inventor of the vampire facial.
Staring into the void with a cup of coffee wondering if her grandchildren will know what an ozone is?
A statement ceramic French press (available in gray, white, black, and sand)
I broke my coffee maker trying to clean ants out of it on one of the worst mornings of my life. Though I’ve asked for a fancy Nespresso for Christmas, I’d still like a French press to make sure I can brew my absolute favorite coffee. I’m going to treat myself to one of these gorgeous babies.
I love this coconut butter as a creamer in a matcha latter. Coincidentally, that is the secret sentence customs agents make you say at LAX to prove you’re from LA :/
My new favorite mug: Happiness is Owning a Chainsaw
Watching The Craft, communing with the spirits, and learning basic spells to perform hexes on all predatory, misbehaving men?
A cast iron cauldron for all brewing purposes
Handmade ritual candles to address a variety of goals and ailments
A spell kit to rid her home of negative energy
A floral sage stick to cleanse all the bad juju of 2017 out of her space
A Hex the Patriarchy print
The Master Book of Herbalism (Pomona Sprout-approved)
A Celebrity Goddess Tarot Card Deck (featuring Cher as the Queen of Swords)
A pouch of crystals designed to help her attract love / Idris Elba into her life.
Roll-on calming spell oil for the (neurotic) witch on-the-go
Bath bags for a perfectly mystical soak
Whipping heavy cream to the brink of carpal tunnel / furiously browning butter until it fills her kitchen with a nutty aroma that she can pretend is actually the sweet smell of warm cyanide come to save us all?
- Dining In: Highly Cookable Recipes by Alison Roman
- Simple Fare: Fall and Winter by Karen Mordechai
- The Cherry Bombe Cookbook
Mainlining make-up tutorials on YouTube because if she’s learning how to create a daytime teal glitter smoky eye she’s notthinking about the time Trump pardoned modern Himmler Joe Arpaio which feels like a million years ago?
A game-changing eyeshadow palette that will make her weak in the knees (and weighs more than a gold bar)
A sensational red lipstick from the mind of Rihanna
A very luxe travel-friendly set of Chanel makeup brushes
A quad of four great, certified-organic, cruelty-free luminizers
A gift box of six eye glitters guaranteed to transform a boring, ordinary eyelid into a disco eyelid.
A custom Edie Parker vanity tray (will ship after Christmas but what a fabulous thing to wait for!)
(A steep price for irony, but worth it, I say.)
Hygge-ing her apartment with enough scented candles and accent blankets to smother all her anxieties in performative coziness?
(My friend Eli gifted me this candle for my birthday and I fell in love. It smells like Jesus would smell if he lived in Echo Park and burnt incense on the reg.)
Fur oil for hibernation purposes
Hotboxing her Jetta for the olfactory Proustian experience of feeling like a teenager and if she’s a teenager then the Obama presidency is just around the corner and not behind us?
An elegantly trippy ashtray from ABC Carpet
My much-beloved Beboe sativa vape (there is also a new indica version but I have yet to see IRL)
Custom rolling papers (from a Slovenian website! What a fun way to tell someone you care enough about them to risk having your identity stolen)
A cute pink sectional tray for minimal clean-up.
Piercing every exposed centimeter of skin on her earlobes to feel the small erotic joy of cold metal through cartilage?
A customized earring charm
[If your friend has her ears pierced, she probably has classic gold hoops or huggies that these charms can easily slide onto (you can also include a single or a pair if you’re feeling super generous). These charms are so fabulous because you can personalize with your friend’s name or an inside joke or just a relevant word for the times. Ex: ANARCHY ]
A rainbow climb earring just cus.
Googling Toronto property values and the State Department’s guidelines for renouncing her US citizenship?
Becoming a Glam Gamer Grl who escapes into a world of virtual reality without ever leaving the comfort of her Pratesi sheets*?
(*it’s quite possible this description only suits my girl Lauren, who kindly agreed to contribute a gift idea!)
The Nintendo Switch
I'm asking for the Nintendo Switch for the holidays. It's been far too long since I've experienced the dopamine hit that comes with beating a handheld game and it's perfect for all those holiday planes, trains, and automobiles.
“With titles like The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (I was able to play this on a colleague's Switch and boy, is it spectacular), Mario Kart 8, and the amazingly therapeutic Stardew Valley, it's great for both casual and core gamers alike.”
- Lauren Gaba Flanagan, Gamer
In case you don’t know the gift recipient well and can’t nail down exactly her preferred style of dissociation, here are some other fab, guaranteed-to-please gift ideas:
Underwear that says “Power” on it
A silk eye mask
A gift certificate to Blick Art Supplies
Tom and Luann Memorial Print
Psycho Bookclutch (on sale!)
La Croix planter
Sexy George Costanza hat
Airbnb gift certificate
Happy gifting from all of us (just the one; just me) at Staunchly!