Staunchly, vol. 114: Every Dude You’ve Ever Liked is Mall Topaz

9/23/19

Remembering there is an entire generation of Gretas fighting like hell for their future—for climate, social, economic, and racial justice (they all spin on the same axis)—is often the only thing that keeps me from feeling completely deflated. At the same time, I think it’s important that we acknowledge the danger of centering whiteness in the climate debate. Flint still does not have guaranteed clean water.

The homicide rate in LA County is declining, yet more and more women are being murdered, often by domestic partners. Read this essential piece by the LA Times and then consider donating your money or time to a local organization that offers support for domestic violence victims, such as Rainbow Services in San Pedro or the Jenesse Center in South LA.
Absorb this sentence, a reminder that LA’s homeless tragedy is the product of rigorous, structural racism: “Blacks make up just 9 percent of Los Angeles County’s population overall, but comprise 40 percent of the area’s homeless, pushed to the margins by decades of redlining, layoffs, mass incarceration and gentrification.”
A woman was gang-raped at gunpoint by her Lyft driver and other assailants. She was still forced to pay for the ride.
Young black voters ask their parents and grandparents to consider not-Biden.
A bro is a bro is a bro is bro. Although I believe in Canada they call them breau. Not the first time I’ve been duped by a tall man with hooded blue eyes I’d once regarded as lush sapphires only to have them turn out to be mass-market mall topaz. Won’t be the last!
Billy Porter made history last night and looked like a yeehaw glam rock Lumière.
The Paris Review goes to Butt-Con: “a holey experience for the like-behinded.”
Kim Kardashian delaying her daughter’s birth to get her nails done is Big Libra Energy.
God, I love Party Down.
I thoroughly enjoyed this oral history of Little Women. Way back in Staunchly, vol. 19, I wrote that my perfect girls’ night involved a double feature of Little Women and Girl, Interrupted, making the case that they’re more compatible than you think: “Both are period pieces about young ladies and the worlds they create for themselves to beat back the expectations of a rigid, patriarchal society. Both offer a sort of appealing insularity—imagine sharing a home with your kooky best friends!—with an all-too-real danger (scarlet fever, self mutilation) lurking just out of frame.”
Sometimes I’m hesitant to talk about dogs and my dog and how much I love dogs here because I really, really don’t want to be that white woman in 2019 surrounded by an inferno of human suffering who seems to care more about animals than the vast injustices this country imposes on people of color. THAT SAID. I love dogs and this story of a lost border collie who was found after 57 days makes my heart so swöl.

My lisp and I made an appearance on the latest episode of “After School Special,” the wonderful, new podcast from Junior High hosted by Faye Orlove and Erika Paget. Listen to hear me discuss: my failed political career, hating the Senate, watching men fail up, beta Democrats, gay Librans, why no one quits the Hill, the anti-masturbation agenda at the root of graham cracker development (ty Erika), and how it’s possible that I lived in DC for four years and absorbed literally nothing about the city except the infallible truth that it was a very poor fit for me.

In other ear noise news, I can’t stop listening to the Highwomen album and pretending I’m a single mom in Abilene with a baby on her hip and an ass I worked hard for damnit! I think my thirties are going to be my yeehaw decade, which is perfect because I will be turning 30 on November 8th in the cradle of the Black Forest, a place universally recognized as the home of yeehaw.

Finally, I devoured Unbelievable last week, an exceptional crime drama on Netflix meticulously crafted for and through the female gaze. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a story about female trauma told so truthfully, for lack of a better word. The tone and pace of the show was actually a little disorienting to me because my brain is so accustomed to the beats of standard, salacious, crime fare—shows where dead and broken female bodies are planted strategically like mileposts: devices detached from their interiority, objects of measurement in the audience’s voyeuristic journey through gore. This is different. Very different. It treats rape holistically, pausing to examine it in all its forms: an acute, personal attack—a bullet at close range; a curveball against which a whole life can twist and tear; a global fuzz that coats every piece of culture, every institution, every interaction between sexes in a kind of mold. All I can say is: finally.

I know I’m about to turn 30 (have you heard???), but that doesn’t mean I can’t delight in the simple pleasures of shopping for school supplies every September—factory-warm notebooks; slick, new book bags; shimmering, unblemished pens ready to meet my Anxiety Chews.

Timed for the season of fresh starts, and given my love of everything letter-pressed, baby blue-lined, Old World-crafted, and otherwise related to the writing arts, I thought I’d do a round-up of my favorite school and office supplies for you this week. I scoured the internet (sounds so dramatic! I love it!) for chic and functional items guaranteed to turbo-charge your productivity this fall, or at least make your desk look pretty. The list includes: elegant spiral notebooks, German-made fountain pens, a vintage ’90s migraine medication promotional notepad, Sylvia Plath-themed stationery, a holographic python book bag, a 2020 lunar planner to time all your gynecological exams to the full moon, and a very rare notepad from 1985 that reads, “I’m entitled to be grumpy” (which probably references the start of Iran-Contra!).

As I said: functional.

(Note: some of the items on this list are *RARE* and have sold out since I sent the list out on Friday to Patreon subscribers. I’ve kept the links in to show you the curatorial talents of Staunchly and entice you to join the Patreon.)

Notebooks and Notepads

This Meeting Is Bullshit notepad

I love this hour-by-hour day log which is guaranteed to trigger an OCD flare-up

A rare vintage notepad that says, “I’m entitled to be grumpy.”

Fortune-telling notebook set for the productive mystic

Customizable, patterned notebook designed by Luke Edward Hall (with choice of lined, plain, or dotted pages—I also love the lips pattern)

I love the look of these Memphis-inspired notebooks from Poketo

A notebook set inspired by fictional books and magazines in The Simpsons

Vintage notepad advertising ’90s migraine medication for the stressed-out bitch!

I love these high-quality German notebooks with an elastic band that keeps all my secrets secure (in a bright cheery lemon!)

Homer Simpson “World’s Angriest Dad” notebook

“High Ideas” notepad

Beautifully patterned, customizable notebooks from east London fashion house Mother of Pearl for Papier. My favorite patterns are Theseus, Strawberry Floral, Pink Flamingo, Emerald Lobster, and Fairy Tale.

I love these spiral notebooks by Appointed.

Planners

I get this agenda every year, always in a fun different color. I’m vibing with lime!

The 2020 Many Moons Lunar Planner from Modern Woman, a full calendar year planner with information about moon phases, suggested spells, journaling prompts, tarot card guidance, and essays from witches, astrologers, and herbalists on how to harness the energy of each full moon (picture is from last year’s edition)

I can’t say enough good things about the Poketo project planner, which I’ve convinced all my friends to buy. It’s the best way to organize an idea and plan a deliverables schedule.

Writing Instruments

My favorite pens for everyday use.

A 18-color pack of classic Le Pens.